well, well, well. i am pregnant with our second babe and it’s been an interesting journey thus far. there are a lot of questions and thoughts floating around this house and inside my head.

what will this new babe be like? will she rambunctious? calm? wild? will she be like olive…most likely not! what will she look like? according to the ultrasound, her profile already looks so different than olive’s. will olive take to her? how will it be balancing two babes? will i be able to keep up with all the crazy things i already do? will olive get jealous? will i lose my mind?! hahaha!

i get how curious i am…i was totally that way with olive. so many questions and the complete unknown. i totally thought i would stop everything having a new babe but i didn’t. i do go out less because i enjoy spending my time with olive and hc but i do definitely add too much to my plate and don’t know when to say no to myself. i know i will probably have to slow down while this second babe is brand spankin’ new but i am excited.

it’s really hit me hard that my time with olive is coming to an end. i think all first time moms go through this journey and it’s been extra hard for me because i am so darn emotional being pregnant. i mean, like reallllllllly emotional. i cry at the idea that it’s not going to be just olive. i love her. i, of course, only know of her and no other child and, of course, everyone says that you adjust, your love just grows exponentially, and you never look back but i am not there yet. so i am going to wallow in my own sadness that i won’t have just olive time. i won’t get to just snuggle just her and not worry about anything else. i mean…i love her so much and i kind of want that time to slow down and stretch out before this other babe comes along. can that please happen?! pretty please?!

so many moms say you will be in awe over their bond and relationship and i cannot wait to see their love together. i definitely look forward to that! yes, they will fight, yes they will probably drive me crazy, and yes they will test my patience to it’s limits but i look forward to the good, the bad, and the cray!

i really cannot wait to meet our second daughter! life is going to change dramatically and i look to forward to the immense love i will feel all over again. children are absolutely amazing and my world is so full of happiness because of them. it’s definitely a love so full, so overwhelming, and a love you never realized existed. having children is the most amazing gift in this world and we are so blessed!

xoxo

most of the time, olive and i are just simply hanging out. one thing with this kiddo is that she definitely needs one on one attention. sometimes it’s really hard, sometimes it’s really easy…honestly, it just depends on what i have going on.

i, as usual, take on too much all the time. i never, naturally, can never sit still…so the more i do, the better it feels for me. i don’t mind alway being on the go and sitting still to relax is hard for me to do. the only time i ever just sat around was when i was pregnant. i had no energy or motivation to get up to do anything. it was such an anomaly. everyday i would sit on the couch and watch t.v. something i never, ever do!

well, trying to get stuff done with a kid {as any parent would understand and know} is such a feat! i do my best to accomplish stuff while olive is napping or late at night when she goes down to bed {this is where i lose sleep and it’s a tough thing to swallow. i believe good sleep = good health and i am losing this battle!}. it’s hard though, because i can’t get everything done within a few hours in a day.

that’s where i struggle. i am thankful for hc because we will share olive and take turns doting on her, depending on what each of us has on our agenda. when i am with her, she wants all my attention and i want to give it to her. there are little blimps within our day, when she will be totally focused on her toys {her play corner in the living room} and i will take advantage of that and scurry around, getting stuff done in the house.

what cracks me up are kids concept of time {or lack thereof}. olive might be by herself for 10 minutes and she will have a freak out {she probably thinks she had been alone for ages} and will come find me, nervous that she was alone. i always chuckle at this because it’s so cute.

i don’t like turning on the t.v., either, to distract her. she is now at an age where she completely zones in and becomes obsessed with the telly, so that is something we put on late at night, maybe right before bedtime so she can just chill out.

i do believe in quality time with her than quantity. like, when we are together…i try really hard not to have my cell phone or computer going. i want to give her my attention when we are together versus having my head buried in technology and social media. although, it’s hard at times when i’m on the computer {blogging, etc.} and hc is chilling with her, she will come over to have me come play with her {in which case, i can’t say no!}.

i’ve come to terms on what i can or cannot do around her. it was hard at first, because it was about finding my balance and managing my time. when i can do something, when i can’t, and when was i going to get something done! when she was a wee one, it was easy to do anything because she was stationary. now that she is mobile and interactive, the whole game plan has changed. i had to pick and choose my battles but honestly, i haven’t lost one yet. 😉

yes, peeps, the struggle is real. i’ve learned to run like a well oiled machine despite the obstacles and challenges i’ve faced at being a first time mom who’s a bit of an overachiever. hahaha! this baby girl keeps me on my toes! sometimes i want to lock myself in a closet {yes, and i want no one to find me} and sometimes i want to just sit still for a moment and not be bothered {all deep wishes here} but the joys of parenthood does not allow that. i love, love my time with olive, every second {well maybe not the tantrums} and i’ve come to terms on how to manage it. although there are days i want to rip my hair out.

in the end, the struggle, the madness, the craziness, the insanity, is overshadowed by the love, the giggles, the hugs, the kisses, and the amazing child named olive. oh how i love her so.

xoxo

oh being a mommy. it’s surreal. i’m totally going to revel in it within this post. those with weak stomachs, please stop reading now, ’cause you might puke with my over the top rants on motherhood.

[grumper mcgrumps]

it’s magical. yes it is. magical. looking at olive everyday overwhelms me with love and joy. she’s amazing. she is quirky, funny, and loving. i can’t hug her enough. i can’t kiss her enough. i can’t stare at her enough. it’s never enough. of course, unless she is having a tantrum 😉

she teaches me to be more calm and less angry. yes she does. and yes i do get angry {over the silliest things sometimes} but her sweet face always puts me in my {happy} place.

it still amazes me that i am a mom. it was a world that existed all around me and i, honestly, had no clue about it all. clueless, i tell ya. obvs, until little miss olive came into our lives. i always say to my friends without children {now being on the other side of the spectrum} that they will never truly know the joy of having a child until they are in the same shoes. people with kids always threw words or thoughts at me about the wonders of having kids and it never, never sunk in until i had miss olive. well, this next thought i’m about to type up will be a little rough & tough, a bit of a 180 from what i was just speaking about.

i used to roll my eyes {well, maybe not physically but at least mentally i did} at people who droned on and on about their children. in my head, i thought…isn’t there something else to talk about besides your kids? yes, i was that person. kids that screamed…eww. babies on planes…eeekkkkk! children in restaurants…ugh. annnddd strollers! strollers were like a nightmare coming at me…so big, bulky, and so in the way! yes, yes {chuckle} i was such a beeeeotch about it. it annoyed me. i never oooohhhh’d and ahhhhh’d over anyone’s kids {of course, unless they were my friend’s children…i could make do with their offsprings for a short moment}, i just didn’t find babies all that cute {do i sound like the devil yet??}. honestly, the only exception before olive were my nephews. now i love, love them to death! even then, i still didn’t change their diapies or do anything very motherly when they were babies.

well, well, well. my, look how much has changed. i’m a sucker for an angelic baby face. i coo over every child i see. i want to and will converse with the mom like she is my best friend! we will compare stories, milestones, notes, and ideas with one another and have a connection because we both feel like being a mom is the best.thing.ever. on this planet.

i see another mom with a baby on a plane and i want her to know that i support her, that i am there for her, and that i understand how overwhelming it can be to bring a little baby onto an airplane in hopes that he or she will remain quiet & calm during the plane ride. i hear a child scream and it actually softens my heart. my motherly instinct kicks in and i want to console the upset child and have them understand that they are loved. i walk into a restaurant with olive and i’m excited to see other moms out lunching with their babies too. i see a women coming with her stroller and i am the first to jump at the door to open it for her, so she can easily maneuver into the store.

i love being a mom. i love having a child. i love that i love it. i have now become that person. i jump at any opportunity to talk about my babes. i drone on and on about her cuteness, like when she giggles and how it rocks my world. or i will talk about her quirky nature and find it the most interesting story evah. or blab on about a story of how she dances and talk about it like it should be broadcasted on the nightly news because it’s that entertaining and important. extra, extra: olive shook her booty and mom almost exploded with love, tonight’s channel 5 top topic. 😉

anyhoo, and that is my momfessions of the moment. how i am now the dorky mom with the silly thoughts and goofy actions 😉 {although i still like to think i am still somewhat the stylish & sophisticated dame, non?}. being a mom is the best job any women can have. i am so fortunate and lucky to have been blessed with my beautiful, healthy, little, sweet olive.

xoxo

many weeks ago was the first time in a looooong time since olive was introduced into this world, that i didn’t have her.

there were two times prior: one night when we were celebrating my sister thuy’s birthday, we left her overnight at my parents. that was nerve racking. c’mon…i’m a new mommy. every momma goes through that, right? the first time leaving your babes…you can’t help but have a little anxiety! i completely trusted my parents {it would not have been anyone else!}, but you do have your jitters, naturally. we were already out by my parents and it just made sense {logistically} to go back to the city and stay in the city without the babes and then come back the next day to get her. so, of course, that was a success and totally fine. olive was a happy camper.

the other time was when we moved into our house. i dropped olive off at my parent’s house so i could get some work done {aka cleaning} in our new house. this time around wasn’t as long. it was for maybe 5-6 hours, while i pretty much spent the entire time cleaning the dirty fridge {yuck}.

so, those were the two times prior and since then…it’s always been me and olive, like always!

i had a week of time off and my parent’s typically watch her on designated days. well, i decided i would let them have her and i would get to do things and get things done! it was, honestly, the weirdest feeling. i felt free but lonely at the same time.

i am racked with momma’s guilt when i’m without my babes {totes normal, right?!}. i know, i should have time to myself. i should feel good that i have a me day but i can’t help it! it is rewarding to be able to have a day to myself, or an afternoon. i can get stuff done, i can relax without it being interrupted, i can focus on projects without worries but i do miss her. i do. don’t get me wrong, i will go out without her. i will have someone else care for her so i can go shopping, do errands, or meet up with friends for lunch. i do get excited for such things and do enjoy the moments, even though it’s rare.

no matter what, i will always love sharing every second with my presh lil one. it will always be an internal war within me. maybe when she’s older, i might feel better or different? maybe it’s because she’s so tiny and i am relishing in all her cuteness? maybe it’s because she brings me such joy, so not having her by my side makes me sad? maybe it’s because she gives me hugs and kisses and it always makes me smile?

i know a lot of people are quick to give up their kids to have a day to themselves but it’s not the same for me. i do love having date nights with hc or if it is just me and the hubs without olive, i’m okay. it’s the only time i am ok with it. otherwise, i don’t foresee a ton of days or times i will be out and about without my olive.

well, i’ll let y’all know if any of my emotions changes in the next few months or years 😉 until then, the internal battle of feelings still rages inside…one day, i’ll have a day without the little babes and totally feel liberated! 🙂

xoxo

sometimes i wonder about the world of motherhood. i think about how it was a world i had no clue about. i was on the other side. i didn’t get it. i looked at people with children and wondered, ‘are they really happy?”. i didn’t know. it didn’t seem like joy, the way my friends complained how they never slept. how their lives where no longer theirs. how they never shopped for themselves anymore {what?!} and spent all their money on their kids. they said they never had time to themselves and it was go, go, go until it was bedtime. i mean, how could that possibly be great?!!

i was a bit scared to have kids. it didn’t sound appealing. i loved me time. a. lot. i enjoyed my hour long showers 😉 . i loved taking forever putting on my make up or doing whatever maintenance i need to do. i liked just spending time with hc and not have a care in the world.

the world was my oyster and i was quite happy in it.

then it happened. yes. i got pregnant.

hc and i, obviously, discussed having kids before we were married. i knew it was going to happen but i was afraid. most people fear the unknown, right?!

from the moment i found out i was pregnant…it was nothing but joy. i loved being pregnant. i loved feeling our little baby girl grow inside my belly. i loved feeling her kick and punch and hiccup inside me. but nothing prepared me for the overwhelming joy and love i would feel when she came into our world. wow. seriously, amaze. you just don’t know until you have kids. literally.

i came over to the flip side. i once had a very wise women tell me that she felt sorry for those who chose to not have children, because it is truly a joy and a beautiful blessing. those who choose to not have children will never know the fulfillment. it can never be explained nor can the emotional satisfaction ever be transferred. you can only experience it to know how utterly amazing it is.

i concur. i am amazed by olive. i love her soooooo much. i love everything about her. i love getting up early to see her cute smile and crazy bed hair. i love spending time with her. i love watching her grow. i love spending my energy on her. i love hugging her. i love hearing her heartbeat. i love her giggles. i love my life, my marriage with olive in it. i don’t want the life i had before because it was not as fulfilling as it is now.

i’ll trade in my alone time for olive time anytime! now, hc and i still need our time…our relationship is just as important! don’t get me wrong now, but this is about olive 😉

i could go on and on about the wonders of having children but you will never really know until you have one of your own. before you do, it’s just all words that bounce around at you, words that don’t really resonate with you until you have your own child and then it’s liiiike, ahhhh, now i understand.

aaannnndddd that is my momfession for the day. 🙂

xoxo