ellie’s big little girl bed

cue allllllllllll the tears. like sheets of rain jumping outta my eyes.

{apologies now as i get passionate talking about this stuff…so i then start to ramble.}

at the beginning of may, we took away the paci from ellie. oh my goodness…it pained me a bit to do so but ellie made it so easy. one day, i said no paci and she was like ok and i hid it. i was very, very surprised that she gave it up so easily because months prior…it was a fight to always have it {and i always gave in}. so, that was the first part of my heart breaking a bit.

olive never took to the paci, so i never had to break her from it but with ellie being our last baby, the fact that we weaned her from the paci was another moment of me realizing that she is growing up. it is just so damn bittersweet.

so that was the first milestone.

we had purchased ellie’s toddler bed awhile back in readiness for her transition. we wanted to have it just in case she showed signs that she was ready to sleep in a big girl bed. i decided on a toddler bed because one: she’s so damn tiny and i know she will sleep in it for several more years and two: it was so darn cheap!!!! also, three: her room is small in square footage, so a little bed was a perfect fit for her space. we bought the bed for $70 and the bedding for less than $100! score!

at bed time, one week, i put ellie in olive’s bed and she was grinning ear to ear. i asked her if she wanted to sleep in a big girl bed and she nodded her head yes. i told hc what had happened and he took it literally. so on 5.28, he surprised us both {while i was at gymnastics with ellie} and built ellie’s bed!

uhhhhhh, who cares if ellie was ready cause i was NOT! i came home and i was like whaaaaaaaa?! i kept thinking, where’s her crib? i’m not ready! what? my baby has a big girl bed?! i was crying inside a little bit but i knew it was time. kind of. sniff. sniff.

ellie saw the bed and freaked out. she didn’t want it. those were her words. ‘i don’t want it’. it’s so cute when she says that! i think she was freaking out a bit because i told her that if she wanted to sleep in a big girl bed, she would have to stop nursing. {yes, i still nursed ellie…those who judge have NO IDEA, so don’t roll your eyes and crinkle your face in disgust. shame on you for judging the most beautiful bond a mother and child can have but more on that later}.

ellie laid down in the her new bed cautiously and hesitantly. i knew this was going to be a big change for her. that night when we were getting her ready for bed…she seemed stiff and worried. i put her down in her bed, grabbed a book to read to her, and she had the most somber look. once i finished the book and said goodnight…she started bawling. oh it broke my heart. i walked out, slightly closed the door and she cried soooooo loud. i came back in because my heart couldn’t take it and saw the most devastated look on her face. i looked at rich and he said ‘just nurse her. let’s not shock her all at once.’ so i did. i nursed her for three more days and then it happened.

on 5.31…ellie gave up nursing.

yes it happened. it finally happened. i had played around with the idea of us giving it up several times prior to this but each time, ellie put a kibosh on it. she firmly held her ground and would NOT stop nursing. i didn’t mind. i loved it…probably just as much as ellie.

so, let me talk about nursing and why i loved it so much. while i was pregnant with olive, i was not fond of the idea of nursing. #truth. i didn’t want to. i didn’t like the idea. i didn’t want to be bothered. #truth then around 7-8 months pregnant, i thought: why knock something you haven’t tried? so i committed to the idea and said to myself – i am going to give it a try…and see where it takes us – boom. olive was born and 20 months later…she chose to give up nursing herself and i cried. it was so easy for her to say bye bye to the boob.

when i started nursing olive, i told myself the goal was six months. then six months led to one year. then one year led to 20 months and then she became a big girl and said, ‘see ya later booby…i don’t need you anymore’ and i was utterly sad. that day is so clearly etched into my memory.

olive’s journey was tough. so much more tough than ellie. nursing olive hurt and it didn’t just hurt in the beginning…we struggled, i had anxiety, i bled and not through a bite {although she only bit me once and learned her lesson and never did it again}, and it was at times very, very painful but i persevered and we made it to 20 months. i loved everything about nursing…it’s difficult to put into words how amazing the experience can be. giving birth was so freakin’ empowering and feeding my child was like the cherry on top. i feel that being a mother, overall, i was meant to nurse. the emotional return was priceless.

ellie’s journey was so much more relaxing, easy, and pain-free. i was seasoned, i didn’t care where i nursed, and ellie loved it. our journey hit six months, one year, two years, and it almost hit three years. 2 years and 10.5 months to be more exact.

our whole experience was absolutely wonderful. i loved nursing for the closeness, the quiet moments together, the bond, and the nurturing aspect of it. there’s something so wonderful about feeding your child, having those special one on one moments with her just filled my heart with joy. i couldn’t imagine doing a better act as a mother.

now, let’s talk about other people’s perception and how many people judge you, had opinions, and literally rolled their eyes at me for still nursing ellie.

i am a firm believer that you do what is right for you and your babe. people will judge. people will comment. people will think it’s wrong she’s so ‘old’ but who really gives a shit? everyone has an opinion and i chose to not be bothered by it. if anyone ever showed signs of judgment…i am confrontational and i just made it awkward for them. their opinions didn’t stop us or persuaded me. sometimes i felt when people judged me…they wanted to shame me into agreeing with them but it caused the opposite effect.

there are worse things a mom could be doing than nursing her almost three year old daughter. give me a break. people looked at me like i had two heads. uh, there are moms out there who neglect their kids, who abuse their kids, who don’t feed their kids, who don’t care for them in a proper way, and people are going to verbally judge me because i am providing my child with love, care, and nutrients?! you don’t think it’s right i should nurse my child who can walk and talk?! smh. create a better argument and maybe i’ll listen.

on 6.14, we had a slight relapse. totally not her fault. my bad for positioning ourselves the way we used to nurse! we woke up one morning and hc was home as well. olive and hc were laying in our bed when i got up to wake ellie. i pulled her into our bed and we laid down. now, during our nursing days, we used to nurse in our bed, laying down and this brought back strong memories for her and she tugged at my shirt to nurse. i said, “no, ellie…no more night night.” {what we called it} and within a nano second she burst into tears. oh my heart shattered into a million pieces. she cried and was so distraught, tugging at my shirt. i softly told her no again and she was so upset…oh my poor baby!

i felt so bad but after 5-10 minutes, she got over it and we moved on. i won’t be doing that again for awhile {laying her down in our bed in the morning} but we are totally in the clear. she is boob free, i am free, and we are both loving life!

so, short story long…we finally put together ellie’s big girl bed and all the big girl things fell into place. now if we can master the potty training, we’ll be good as gold!

sooooo, check out her ‘big’ girl room below {her room pretty much stayed the same, we really just updated a few things}. i am loving all the details. sigh…oh my sweet ellie. you always keep us on our toes.

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[flamingo, gold sequins, and pink roses]

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[felt flowers and wooden name sign]

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[grey polka dot sheets]

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[new whitewashed bookshelves]

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[star filled wall and black tassel curtains]

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[night night!]

xoxo

spring recital ’19

oh, how i love the spring recital.

olive’s first formal recital was last year and it was so special and oh so sweet but this year felt even better! why? we were seasoned, we felt more confident, and i was less anxious. LOL

i think the most stressful part about the recital is reserving all the seats for our invited guests. most people wouldn’t care, worry, or think it’s a big deal to nab good seats but it’s my purpose. haha! i find it important to be front and center for my girl and that her family can see her clearly! my problem is that i invite 15-20 people each time and i semi-feel like an ass blocking off that many seats! but not enough to not do it, so it’s an endless mind battle in my head. i’m filled with anticipation until i do so and then once it’s done, i can relax. phew!

our family trickled in and everyone was situated in their seats and ready to watch our baby girl perform! olive’s group was first to perform. she danced her ballet routine to ‘somewhere over the rainbow’ and then her group was fourth in line to perform and they tapped their way to the song ‘rainbow’.

watching the little kiddos dance is so darn sweet and cute! they are usually all over the place with their moves, never in sync, and so darling in their costumes. when it came time for them to end their routine with a final pose, it was like a comical show with them not knowing what they were doing or arguing with each other on how they were suppose to pose and end the act….hahaha! ahhhhh, their innocence is so heartwarming!

olive did such a great job! she practiced at home {a few times} and was so focused during her performance! i am so blown away she doesn’t get stage fright or even appear to be nervous. she just goes with it and i love her for it!

after the show, i picked up olive and brought her out to her adoring crowd. she was showered with flowers and gifts…what a welcome! our family snapped a few photos of the shining star and we all cruised back to our abode for a late lunch and fun.

once home, our guests slowly arrived while hc and i ran around preparing random things for the party. i snapped pics of olive with all her guests while hc prepped the food. once i was satisfied with all the snaps {olive so patiently obliged to all the photos, although she wanted to play! oh, she’s so sweet and kind!}, i took everyone’s drink order and finally stopped for a moment to visit with them.

it was so sweet that auntie lynne bought flowers for both girls {she didn’t want ellie to feel left out} and gifts for them both. she’s always so good to them! they are so spoiled by their family!

about an hour and half later, kim and reagan stopped by after his baseball game and joined in on our fun! the weather was so amazing! rain was in the forecast but it stayed away and it turned out to be the most perfect day.

the whole afternoon was so good. the food was delicious. the drinks flowed. the girls were super happy and our guests were comfortable. we couldn’t have asked for a better time.

spending time with family is always the best. words can’t describe the joy, content, and happiness we feel to be surrounded by our loved ones. happy recital day miss olive. you did such an amazing job in your dance routines and you are one blessed girl to have such wonderful family around you.

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[i love how she chose to pose]

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[she danced to ‘somewhere over the rainbow’]

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[the final pose]

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[ready for her tap routine]

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[the girls tapped to the song ‘rainbow’]

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[the final bow]

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[inundated with flowers and gifts!]

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[my sweet girls]

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[ellie did not dance but auntie lynne got her flowers to not feel left out! how sweet!]

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[of course we had to coordinate olive and ellie]

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[auntie missy and olive]

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[papa and gramma]

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[the heintz family]

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[barbara and lynne]

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[ba and rimma]

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[no cake topper, so i quickly decorated it with flowers]

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[cousin reagan and auntie kim]

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[so azn]

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[mes soeurs]

xoxo

a day at the zoo

memorial day weekend weather looked dismal. it was supposed to rain every.single.day and who wants that??? it’s the weekend to kick off summer {and to honor those who paid the ultimate price for our freedom} and rain didn’t fit into outdoor plans.

well, mother nature fooled us. it was beautiful and sunny on both saturday and sunday, which turned out great because we had plans no matter what! on saturday, we took olive to the salon for a haircut, lunch, and came back to our abode to work on things at home. then we headed back out to buy flowers at wannemaker’s, then eat and shop at ikea. it was a busy day and night but we checked things off that needed to be done!

the next day, we hosted our family over for some grub and drinks. it was a good afternoon eating and hanging out with the best people. we cooked seasoned chicken, burgers, corn, vegetable skewers and had many other delicious dishes. it was a fun time and the weather was beautiful for us to be outside!

we decided, last minute, to head to the zoo on monday. now this time, the weather looked ominous but we were confident the rain would hold off until later in the afternoon and we were right! we had the most joyous time at the zoo! the temp was just right, the kids were having so much fun, and the adults were living their best life with beers and just having fun with the kiddos. unfortunately, we didn’t get to explore as much as we wanted of the zoo…our time was cut short by the big storm rolling in.

terry was on weather app radar and informed us of the time we had every hour. LOL. then the temperature dropped and we knew the storm was about to hit. we said our goodbyes and started walking towards our cars. i foolishly asked hc to stop so olive could get her face painted but straightened out my head and said, let’s go…and convinced olive that we would do it next time. well, those five minutes cost us! we were a few minutes from the car when the sky opened up and pouuuuuuuuuured on us. like buckets of rain! darn it!

we left the zoo and headed on our way to a restaurant to meet the fam, again, for a late lunch. it was a monsoon out! just sheets of rain coming down and blowing to the side. i was amazed at how many people were actually coming into the zoo as we were leaving. the rain didn’t pass quickly…it rained heavily for awhile!

of course, after we ate, we then went shopping, like fools. the rain didn’t let up and we all were soaked one way or another but truthfully, we really had the best day with everyone. it was good, fun, relaxing, and full of content.

this past memorial day weekend was one for the books.

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[olive just had her did]

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[chowing down]

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[she’s so sweet]

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[stan’s doughnuts]

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[she’s so sweet]

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*****

BROOKFIELD ZOO

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[azn auntie life]

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[kangaroo]

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[he’s so sweet to the girls]

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[thanks hc for taking the photo!]

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[my heart]

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[cheers]

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[beggin’]

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[crazy cousins]

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xoxo