many weeks ago was the first time in a looooong time since olive was introduced into this world, that i didn’t have her.
there were two times prior: one night when we were celebrating my sister thuy’s birthday, we left her overnight at my parents. that was nerve racking. c’mon…i’m a new mommy. every momma goes through that, right? the first time leaving your babes…you can’t help but have a little anxiety! i completely trusted my parents {it would not have been anyone else!}, but you do have your jitters, naturally. we were already out by my parents and it just made sense {logistically} to go back to the city and stay in the city without the babes and then come back the next day to get her. so, of course, that was a success and totally fine. olive was a happy camper.
the other time was when we moved into our house. i dropped olive off at my parent’s house so i could get some work done {aka cleaning} in our new house. this time around wasn’t as long. it was for maybe 5-6 hours, while i pretty much spent the entire time cleaning the dirty fridge {yuck}.
so, those were the two times prior and since then…it’s always been me and olive, like always!
i had a week of time off and my parent’s typically watch her on designated days. well, i decided i would let them have her and i would get to do things and get things done! it was, honestly, the weirdest feeling. i felt free but lonely at the same time.
i am racked with momma’s guilt when i’m without my babes {totes normal, right?!}. i know, i should have time to myself. i should feel good that i have a me day but i can’t help it! it is rewarding to be able to have a day to myself, or an afternoon. i can get stuff done, i can relax without it being interrupted, i can focus on projects without worries but i do miss her. i do. don’t get me wrong, i will go out without her. i will have someone else care for her so i can go shopping, do errands, or meet up with friends for lunch. i do get excited for such things and do enjoy the moments, even though it’s rare.
no matter what, i will always love sharing every second with my presh lil one. it will always be an internal war within me. maybe when she’s older, i might feel better or different? maybe it’s because she’s so tiny and i am relishing in all her cuteness? maybe it’s because she brings me such joy, so not having her by my side makes me sad? maybe it’s because she gives me hugs and kisses and it always makes me smile?
i know a lot of people are quick to give up their kids to have a day to themselves but it’s not the same for me. i do love having date nights with hc or if it is just me and the hubs without olive, i’m okay. it’s the only time i am ok with it. otherwise, i don’t foresee a ton of days or times i will be out and about without my olive.
well, i’ll let y’all know if any of my emotions changes in the next few months or years 😉 until then, the internal battle of feelings still rages inside…one day, i’ll have a day without the little babes and totally feel liberated! 🙂
xoxo
