oh, toddler tales. toddler woes. toddler antics. baby olive is twenty-three months young and full of spunk.

a favorite statement i saw on fb recently was this:

toddler – emotionally unstable pint-sized dictator, with the uncanny ability to know exactly how far to push you towards utter insanity, before reverting to a lovable cuddle monster.

how accurate. my oh my. she is a trip. for the most part, she is so sweet, kind, cuddly, loving, funny, goofy, silly, and darling. then she has these moments where nothing makes sense. she is deliriously emotional and i can’t get any sort of reasoning across to her. i know she {obviously} does not communicate very well {yet} and when she gets upset, nothing soothes her, consoles her, or calms her down.

i must admit, it is extremely hard for me to deal with her outbursts. it pushes me to the edge. it makes me want to scream soooo loud. her tantrums drive me crazy and i react in {sometimes} a not so nice way. it gets the best of me and it makes me very, very sad when that happens. i feel like i have failed as a mom and failed as a teacher to my child.

my upbringing was very different and very unique. my anger issues stem from not being able to channel my emotions correctly and think straight. it’s easier for me to fly off the handle then it is to think calmly and channel my energy into a more positive light when i get upset. so, as you can tell…olive can get just as upset as her mommy, so it’s like i am staring at my mini me {staring in the mirror}…literally. oh, has it come full circle and it’s totally biting me in my ass! ugh.

the worst part about it is that i have to learn new ways and change my behavior and that is the hardest part. try living like your whole life the way you are and then bam! you have to change the way you operate. much easier said then done. so, with that…olive’s tantrums and nonsensical ways put me on edge. i get anxiety when we are out because i  worry about her having a meltdown or causing a scene. i do. i can’t stop it but i try to deflate it. i am very conscious of it and try my best to overcome it and realize that she is a toddler and that other people out there have kids too and they understand. again, easier said then done.

my emotions and ways are too deep rooted to change over night. my driving force is my baby. i try so hard to become more patient, more kind, more understanding, less angry and temperamental all for my girl. i don’t want her to learn my tart ways and i believe i can influence it if i step back and calm down before i react in a way that is not appropriate. again, easier said then done.

but i am learning. i am changing. i am s l o w l y getting better. i have my freak out moments when she gets cray cray but i am much more cognizant in the moment than i was in the past. olive’s mood swings and temperamental ways as a toddler has given me my biggest challenge to date. i only strive to be the best possible mom, example, role model, and foundation for her. i hope that i, in turn when she has a tantrum, love her, console her, hug her, kiss her, show her, and guide her how to channel her emotions, thoughts, and anger in the right direction and always have her come out in the end, feeling peace, happiness, and serenity.

xoxo